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I'm depressed
I feel useless

Worthless
Maybe I need help.
All I know is that I can’t stop crying.
I don’t know how to be happy anymore
My room is a mess

I look like a slob
I can’t bring myself to fix it

Or fix myself

I don’t know how.
Sure. I’ll go out, put on a little make up. But te smaller things upset me, and I can’t even pinpoint the reason why. I can’t even explain why.
--I’m afraid it’s going to ruin my relationship. And I'll end up losing him and end up alone like I've always fear. I know I can't survive losing someone else in my life, especially someone this important to me...--
I don’t know how to fix this

And it’s eating me.
I can’t talk to my parents. I’ve tried before
Tried to explain. 
They don’t understand.
“You don’t have a reason to be depressed”
“You don’t know what stress is”
And then it turns into a lecture. And I feel even worse
“He isn’t going to want you anymore when he see’s how worthless you are. You can’t keep a household. “

“When he sees the kind of person you are, he’s going to leave, and find someone prettier.”
—-
An then there’s the nightmares.. 
Some nights I wake up screaming.
Covered in cold sweat, marks on my body where I have been scratching. 
Other nights I don’t sleep at all. 
I can’t shut my mind off. Or I pass out and wake up like I haven’t slept a moment.
Maybe I need help. 
Maybe it will go away. 
But I don’t know how to deal with it.
I don’t know how to fix me.